Memorial Weekend- The scattering of ashes

On July 31st, 2009 we held a ceremony to scatter my dad’s ashes at sea. Well, maybe “ceremony” is too formal a word…what we did was celebrate my dad’s love of the ocean by taking his ashes off shore to a place we felt was significant for him and scattered his ashes while telling stories of my dad’s fishing trips and anecdotes of times spent on or near the ocean. One of the truly tremendous things for me was so sit on this boat and spend the time with my only son, who enjoyed the time on the water and found out how wonderful time at sea can be and came to understand why “Grandpa” would love it so much.
The ceremony was simple- just a prayer and a thank you for a dad who worked hard and spent time with us doing things like fishing. My brother and I scattered the ashes, then we all tossed flowers into the ocean around the spot.
A special Thank You goes to Eric Meins for taking us out on his boat and providing the flowers we scattered with the ashes. He was a tremendous help to us and a blessing at this most difficult time…
Due to limited space, we only had 6 people on the boat: Eric the captain of the boat, myself, my brother Dave, my wife Brenda, my son Daniel, and our long time friend Carmen, whose mom was friends with my mom and whose brother played baseball with me for years.
It was a terrific time and I cannot express how wonderful it was. We even had a pod of porpoises swim in front of the boat on the way back in from the scattering! It was awesome!

Service Time for my dad is 10:30 am, August 1st

The info is below on where it will be held, and the obituary should be in the Union/Trib. starting Wednesday or Thursday. Due to very limited space on the boat, the scattering at sea to be held on Friday will be a private ceremony.
Once again, thank you to all of you who have email, called, posted comments, or sent cards. I really appreciate everything and it is great to know my dad was appreciated, and that our family is supported so much!
Neptune Society Chapel14065 Hwy 8 Business
El Cajon, CA 92021
(619-561-6400)

Additional Mother's Day thoughts...for Grandma

Yesterday I posted some comments about my mom and the wonderful memories that I had of her. She was truly special and will always live on within my heart and soul as the one who helped to shape me and make something positive out of me. But I would not be who I am and my mother would not be who she was without HER mom...My grandmother.

My Grandma (given name Zeline) was a truly amazing and self sufficient woman. Teased by her brother (my great uncle, who was a great man in his own right) for doing the vacuuming in her pearls alah June Cleaver, my Grandmother was a perfectionist and an amazing woman. I always loved visiting my Grandmother because of her incredible food. She was a great cook. Plus she always had whole milk, where at home all we got was powdered non-fat milk for budget reasons! (Yuk!).

My Grandmother also worked at the famed Hotel del Coronado for 17 years after moving to San Diego from Illinois. She was the head Cashier at the Hotel del during it's landmark conversion from paper reservation systems to one of those new fangled computer systems in the early 80's. The comment from the hotel manager was that my Grandmother's impeccable records were more accurate than any computer ever could be, but they had to "modernize" and "get with the times". Upon retiring from the Hotel she was given a nice plaque with an etching of the famed Hotel and the signatures of her coworkers laser-engraved into the metal. She was loved by the employees as "everyone's Grandma".

But throughout my growing up days I was intimidated by Grandma. She was so perfect- her apartment a few minutes away from the Hotel del Coronado was always clean...spotless...impeccable. She was loving, but she was stern and believed in discipline.

It wasn't until my mother's illness that my Grandmother and I became close. Following my mother's illness my Grandmother would take a series of buses (transferring multiple times along the way) to get from the outskirts of Chula Vista to the nursing home behind Sharp Hospital at least 3 days a week. The trip would take her 1 1/2 to 2 hours each way. She later was able to utilize the trolley and that helped in reducing some of the travel time. But for years and years she kept a constant vigil at my mom's side at least 3 days a week (sometimes 4 and 5 days a week). Through it all, my mom showed no improvement...no change. No sign that things would get any better to give my Grandmother any added incentive to return. She did it to stay by her side, to wipe her brow, to comb her hair, to open my mom's music box or play a music tape to allow my mom to hear some music (and we were not even sure she could hear or understand the music). This dedication and devotion was amazing and taught me what true commitment is. I used to visit my mom too as much as possible. But it was after my mom had been bed-ridden for a few years that I decided to move away from San Diego and take a job elsewhere. It was my Grandmother who kept the vigil and honored my mom and would give me updates on her status via mail and phone call.

My Grandmother later came to live with my family after the passing of my uncle Bill and it was an honor to have her. Unfortunately the ravages of Parkinson's and Alzheimer's were starting to take their toll. But in the end, my Grandmother would show me, even in her final days, so many lessons about life.

So THANK YOU Grandma for all the nice Roasts, and all the slices of pie on sunny afternoons, for the cards and gifts over the years, for treating me with respect and expecting me to act like a man, and most importantly for being committed to your family- to your daughter who you stood by and to your son while he dealt with cancer of his own. You were special and I love you and miss you...

Mom with "us" (Different pics with different people)

My mom with the family over the years...

Mom with my uncle Bill

Pics of my Mom- the younger days...

Here is my Mom when she was younger...

Happy Mother's Day Mom...

Mother's day has been very bitter-sweet for me ever since 1989. It was on May 11th, 1989 (3 days prior to Mother's Day that year if memory serves me correctly) that my mom passed away. Of course, when she passed away it was after spending nearly 8 years in a nursing home due to an aneurysm she suffered on August 18th, 1981 followed by a stroke on August 20th, 1981 which left her in an incapacitated state. Following her death her ashes were scattered and I never got a place to visit in order to remember her. So in this weekend I wanted to honor her and celebrate her life, figuring if there is no memorial marker for her physically, she can be honored in cyberspace.

It is probably no surprise that my mom meant a great deal to me. She took care of my brother and I when my dad was gone (he spent time on a deep-sea drilling ship and then commuted between our native San Diego and Orange County for years.) She went to all my baseball games (and pretended to understand the game!), gave me all the hugs that I needed, held my hand or was with me all 7 times (Yes! seven times) I got stitches as a kid, scolded me when I had done wrong, taught me how to Christmas shop, taught me to respect others, taught me to hold the door open for a woman, and demonstrated care for others by various volunteer efforts. Was my mom perfect...? Pretty close to it! To be honest, outside of her smoking habit that I tried to talk her out of repeatedly from the time I was around 10 years old, there weren't many things she did that I thought was wrong. I'm sure there was, but a son's memory tends to be a little selective... :)

The greatest attribute that my mom possessed was the ability to respect other people and treat other people well. Yes, she gave me the proverbial speeches of "If you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all." or to "Treat others as I would have them treat me". But with her it was more than a speech. I felt like she lived that way. And she always made me personally feel like I was the most important person around.

My mom LOVED Agatha Christie books and loved to read in general. I used to go to the old library on Sandrock road on Serra Mesa and wait and wait and wait and wait until she was done picking out books to bring home (anyone remember that branch?! I know they have opened a new branch on Aero Rd.)

Another time my brother and I would have to wait for my mom was when we would go shopping down in Fashion or Mission Valley. In those days Woolworth's department store had a cafe and my mom would stop and get some lunch or even just a piece of pie for my brother and I. But one thing my mom would not give up was the laaaast drop of her coffee! My brother and I would be so fidgety and ready to go but my mom would NOT leave until she had drained the very last of her coffee cup!

My mom was also a great cook. I remember her cooking all types of dishes. She would cook German dishes periodically due to our German heritage. Or a Roast. Fried Chicken and mashed potatoes. Cow's tongue (yes...you heard right. And it was good!). But my favorite food that my mom made? Her Corn Fritters with maples syrup! Mmmmmm When it was my birthday and she would ask what I wanted to eat? Corn Fritters! My mom also taught me to bake cookies and cakes (we had a lot of fun together). The only cook I ever remember being better than my mom? That would be her mom, my Grandma! (More on her later).

My biggest disappointment that my mom is not still alive is that she never got to meet Brenda, my wife of 21 years who my mom would adore! And she never got to meet my son and become the tremendous grandmother I know she would have been! Fortunately for my son, my mother-in-law is a wonderful grandmother to him. In fact, she is a tremendous mom to me too and I realize how lucky I am in that regard...

Anyway, I am going to post more on my mom this weekend. And more on my Grandmother. But right now, I am going to post some pictures of her...More later!